Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Reclaiming Myself

It's been awhile- I know that many people will not read this because I have become that eventless blogger... but I thought I'd drop in today and participate in blogland.
So, like the title says, I'm RECLAIMING MYSELF!
Taking control of the situation, turning the tables and not letting myself be vulnerable to the whims of HIM.
See, I haven't been myself the last two months. I have seriously been wrapped up in the throws of a man- which would be great, had he been caught up in the throws of me. I know that I'm not completely cured, because I haven't given up on him completely. A friend just recently told me that step one of getting over a man is to," ERADICATE HOPE". But, what I have done is the following.
I don't call him. I don't let his way of ignoring me at work effect me like it used to. I smile at him. I don't get worked up and show that I may be upset. Instead, I've taken the liberty of not answering a few calls and pretending like nothing the next day.
Now, I know this may seem childish, but I'm trying to bring us back to even. See, I let him have the upper hand- gave him what he wanted all the time.... and rationalized that it was okay for him not to give back. I accepted his words without actions to follow them up.
Well, my friends, my companions, my sisters who have fallen into the well of male-antics...
I'm taking myself back, reclaiming mayself... and I can already see it working.
I figure this is the best way to do it. I could be wrong, but I figure that one of two things will happen.
A) He won't care and will move on
B) He will care, he'll begin to wonder why I am not at his beck and call- want me more, realize, I'm not the pushover that I had seemed to be- and we can work on a relationship that could mean something.

At least, regardless of the outcome- I have distanced myself. If option A should occur, I will be less involved and dramatic. Which, by the way, I have already noticed a difference in myself. I will be able to hold my head high with integrity- I haven't been calling an answerless phone, wondering if he'd pick up or whether he'd call back. He can call me, he can seek my attention... or he cannot, and I will feel like I have, at least RECLAIMED respect for myself... Something you should never lose.
If option B occurs, well- then we can be balanced. Learn to really respect and grow with each other.

I know everyone thinks I'm crazy, but what's new.

Just to let you know, today, he actually got upset with me- to the point where he left the office and called me from his cell phone to talk about why he was so upset and why was I being the way I've been. Which, I pointed out, was very pleasant.
After suggesting dinner tonight- I told him that he had to let me know if we were going to have dinner, because I might have other plans.
My lack of response is triggering the male(and who am I kidding, female) desire to have what's not readily available you.
Anyway, only time will tell what will happen. Regardless, I have had some great new experiences and have learned some pretty important lessons throughout this process.

Nice to be Back.
Take care,